Story 13 - The Pain of Vietnam Veterans
By: George. E. Parker, 110 Signal Squadron
(SVN 1968-69)
Webmaster: Photos added for story website presentation
In Canberra on the 3rd October 1992 an elegant and moving memorial was dedicated and stands in silent tribute to all of our Australian soldiers and civilians who lost their lives during the Vietnam War; their grieving families; those veterans and their immediate family who still suffer today. Our national pride and reconciliation to the acceptance and recognition of the Vietnam Veteran was finally expressed by the dedication of this memorial. I believe that this dedication was expected to see an end to the inner conflict from emotional and social trauma of the veterans, which was created by this war and those so-called “peace protestors”, who were led by the Parliamentarian member, Jim Cairns.
Moratorium (Dr Jim Cairns) and Groups opposed to the Vietnam War - Internet Source
Veteran during the
Dedication summed up our memorial by saying; “Hopefully this
memorial will be the final Band-Aid in the healing process for our
Veterans!” This statement was so simple, meaningful and caring,
and possibly with much compassion. But will it really heal a
Vietnam Veteran?
To some the memory of Vietnam has never faded and I doubt for some it ever will. Many of our veterans have taken steps that have helped them to come to terms with the great doubts and uncertainties that have followed them after their service in Vietnam and have accepted it as part of what has happened in their life.
The simple fact is that the Vietnam War was a
unique war and had no effect on most ordinary Australians, unless
they were members of the anti-war movement, these so-called,
“peace protestors”. During their demonstrations, more young
people took to the streets protesting against the Vietnam War than
ever served there and through their lack of understanding, knowledge
and commonsense, we, the Vietnam veterans experienced a “Social
Trauma of Vietnam” through the hands of these so-called
“peace protestors”.
The ALP and Trade Unions -
Internet Source
(Never forgiven or forgotten!)
Unfortunately for us, the end result
being, that some of those demonstrators are today possibly hold
high positions in the government and education systems and to a
veteran, he wonders what those people feel now toward what they did
then and “Do they care?” I am sure a lot people do care, but
unfortunately they really didn't understand a Vietnam Veteran. So
“What is a Vietnam Veteran?”
Huey picking up members of 7RAR
during the Vietnam War - Source AWM
Our soldiers were born-losers from the
very start and became “three-way victims" of this war. We
first encountered on our return home the inhumane anti-war movement
and demonstrations, which only highlighted those atrocities against
the enemy, and these demonstrations and atrocities, were further
enhanced by the daily TV coverage. And secondly, the widespread
political manipulation and interference in the field, and finally
the underrated enemy soldier, who at the age of six in 1945 were
learning the basic fighting skills to kill a Frenchman with a
sharpened bamboo stick. And at the age of 27 years the soldiers
matured, and were well trained and disciplined carrying an AK47.
The politics of the war was irrelevant
to our soldiers; they had a job to do and did it well. They were
inexperienced, fought in the image of our Anzac fathers, unprepared
for what they were to face, came home shaking after being on the
edge for 365 days and on their return were branded murderers and
baby-woman killers by these so-called “peace protestors”.
Anti-Vietnam protests during
President Johnson's visit, Sydney 22 Oct 1966 - Source Spectator
Australia
There were no psychological support networks available to our soldiers on our return and many of them had to suffer in silence, bearing the psychological scars alone or secretly in the company of other Veterans. Even the Return Servicemen's League (RSL) in some States and ex-servicemen would not accept us on our return. A fair percentage of our veterans were shunned by all, and at times, including their families.
Many of us were completely disenchanted
with all that was going on around us. Some of us retreated into a
world of almost hysterical bitterness, anger, grief and guilt and
our lives were characterised by alcoholism, violence,
self-destruction and divorce.
One Veteran was quoted as saying, “There was so much guilt that came out of Vietnam, guilt for going there, guilt for surviving when friends did not, guilt for seeing friends die and thinking ‘Thank God it wasn't me”; the guilt for losing and guilt of uncivilised acts caused by the eroding of our morality!” But, did those so-called “peace protestors” ever think of the damage they did to us?
Australian so-called "Peace
protestors" during the Vietnam War - Internet Source
(Never forgiven or forgotten!)
I was a Regular soldier, but those
conscripted soldiers who were unlucky enough to win a marble in the
National Service Lottery, and on their return were discharged and
thrown back into society without any psychological support. The
Regular soldier just kept soldiering on.
We both wanted to live life to the full
once again, but unfortunately with a problem that nobody
understood. We socialised, we were the life of the parties, we were
practical jokers, we had happiness and energy, we made new friends
and we made a lot of enemies. We were drunks, we were addicts, we
were odd balls and we were weirdos. We could not understand we had
a problem, a psychological and traumatic problem that is known
today as “Post Traumatic Stress Disorder (PTSD)”, which was
coupled with a “Social Trauma”.
Our family and close friends did not
understand and would not accept our irrational behaviour due to our
problems. Our problems cannot be compared with any other war
experiences of the past, such as WW1, WW2 and the forgotten
war Korea, because the circumstances were totally different.
We had to face the anti-war
demonstrations, critics, politicians, families and friends who had
no idea what the war was like and those jealous and guilty soldiers
and friends who did not go. The mockery that was dealt out to us
from some defensive older generation of returned servicemen who
felt we had it easy and they could not understand our feelings,
situation or problems.
There was so much bitterness retained
by us on our return home, especially when we remember that coming
home meant being smuggled into Mascot Airport in Sydney at midnight
to avoid the anti-war demonstrators. And sleeping on the chairs in
the foyer of Mascot Airport, as it had taken until 3am for most of
us to collect our pay and leave entitlements as we waited for our
return home at 7am. The luxury of flying home was possible by us
paying the difference between the train, and airfare costs. Then
afterwards being met with scorn by those civilian passengers around
us at 7am, as we waited to catch our aircraft home to our families.
We didn't expect to be welcomed home as heroes, as our Fathers and
Grandfathers were, but we never expected to be branded as the
“untouchables and unmentionables” of the Australian society as
the “peace protestors” labelled us.
We copped all sorts of flak from all
walks of life. An old school teacher spat on one of our Veterans,
just because she belonged to the “Save our Sons Organisation”. And then the “Wharfies” went on strike and refused to load
our ships. And then the “Posties” refused to handle our
mail; I went for eight weeks without any mail from my wife. No
wonder we said to our mates who were going home on R & R to
“Punch a postie while on R & R!”
(Never forgiven or forgotten!)
And thanks to the so-called “peace
protestors”, the Australian public started to call our soldiers
“baby and woman killers, and murderers”! And because of this
entire “Social Trauma” that was going on around us, we
retreated into our turtle shell. We never told anybody about
Vietnam, because there was no one who would listen, as we believed
that no one cared or would understand. Some veterans even denied
that they had been there.
All return servicemen know what it is
like to lose a friend. The fear, pain and anguish were too much for
one to bear. There was no war front in Vietnam, the “Goodies”
to the South and the “Baddies” to the North. They were all
around us, in the streets and in the jungle they owned the lot. The only ground you owned was that one-square foot, each time you
took a step. Vietnam was a brutal never ending land of pain, death
and curses. We all told stories, true or false, never the bad
stories much the same as our older generation returned servicemen. To unravel the puzzle of Vietnam Veterans is just as confusing to
the Veterans themselves. They kept their concerns, fears and
emotions within and carried them for many years.
Our “Welcome Home March” in
Sydney on the 3rd October 1987 was an historic event,
which went a long way in healing the wounds of a divided nation,
brought about by the so-called “peace protestors”. After
their “Welcome Home”, many of the Veterans began to relive
some of their experiences, fears and concerns and were overwhelmed
with anxiety and depression. And half-the-time, all the medical
professionals and friends could do for us was to hand us a
handkerchief and tell us to wipe our nose, and say, “You've had
your Welcome Home!”
Welcome home parade in Oct 1987.
22,000 Vietnam Veterans marched carrying more then 500 Australian
Flags, each flag represented one of the fallen, including seven RASigs members lost in the War.
Source ABC News
When the news of another Veteran had
suicided or attempted suicide, which was heart rendering news,
causing our emotions of anger, bitterness and pain to rise up within
us. Some of the Veterans asked themselves “Why am I like this?
Why did they do it? Why did they kill themselves? Am I going to cope
with myself?” But, many couldn’t the deep-down buried hurts that
were placed there by our Nation via those so-called “peace
protestors”!
Our experience was one of total
figment. After 365 days in Vietnam ten hours later you are back into
a totally different environment, and I guess at times that many of
us felt we were never there. We were not all “gung-ho killers”,
we all didn't kill, but quite a lot of us were always in the wrong
place at the wrong time.
The political manipulation that
involved us in this war, the anti-war demonstrations led by those
politicians, the naivety of friends and relations and those
self-righteous returned servicemen from other wars and others who
would say in those times “You've got a problem son! Get over it!
Get your acts together!' These sorts of comments caused further
problems and always made us feel bitterer than before.
A lot of Veterans didn't start drinking
until then and I mean hazardous drinking. They found it hard to
relate to people and ever since then they have been following the
path of self-destruction and at times in desperation they would
take their life. Their wives and immediate family had no idea what
they were going through, because when they came home, all they
wanted was to be left alone and they found it very hard to find
comfort anywhere with the Australian nation. A veteran can drown his
sorrows, but his immediate family, the wives and children had to
bear the full brunt of the reality that the veteran was going
through at the time.
We have all sat on the edge and became
a group of misunderstood people, a nuisance to all and alcoholics.
We didn't feel any self-pity, occasionally in outbursts, when
someone questions us, “Why are you like this?” We just scream
back, “You don't know what I am going through!” But then, we
didn't know what we were going through either and unfortunately
there are still a lot of our Veterans out there who need our help.
A good percentage of us have all passed
through the stages of the “Vietnam Veteran Syndrome”. We did
a great deal of soul-searching, hard bargaining with our emotions
and with quite a few emotional outbursts, which gave us the excuse
to “Drown our sorrows'” and justify our drinking. Our
behaviour was based on our thoughts, therefore to change our
behaviour we had to change our thoughts, and we should therefore
believe that within our sickness there are seeds to overcome our
illness.
RASigs Vietnam Veterans with a
Corp Banner, preparing to march, at the Australian Vietnam Forces
National Memorial
dedication in Canberra, 1992.
Supply by Bob Florance (104 Sig Sqn)
At times some of us were blessed by
our addiction because it taught us something about ourselves, and
gave us the ability to rise above the trap that we were creating.
Before this could happen we all had to destroy the trust of our
family and the friendship of families and friends of long
association, including ourselves. This process has taken 20 years
plus.
I am sure our veterans care for one
another and appreciate all the hard work that is being carried out
by that small band of men involved in the various ex-servicemen
organisations, but it is now time that our veterans take account of
ourselves and the direction we are heading. Those veterans who are
not involved should now become involved in the welfare of other
returned servicemen and our fellow veterans. We have to forego our
past-preconceived notions, past differences, egos, and apathy,
letting go of our bitterness, fear, guilt, self-pity and most of
all we should “FORGIVE”.
Welcome home! RASigs
Vietnam Veterans waving to old friends
National Memorial
dedication in Canberra, 1992.
Supply by Gordon Taylor (104 Sig Sqn)
The “Roll Call” of our WW2
veterans is getting smaller and once they go, all these
organisations that were formed by our grandfathers and fathers will
fold and were will us Vietnam veterans be, including the future of
other returned servicemen. Legacy, TPI Association, other
Ex-servicemen Welfare Organisations and the DVA Volunteer Support
Project need our support.
Many of our veterans were unable to
make our Welcome Home March in Sydney (1987) and the dedication of
our War Memorial in Canberra (1992). There are still many veterans
who have never worn their medals, or attended an Anzac Day March,
because of their guilt, bitterness and forgiveness of our Nation. I
ask these Veterans to please come and join us all on the 25th
April, and show that we as a Vietnam Veterans do care and our
wounds are healed and we do forgive our Nation and all of those
so-called “peace protestors”!
1993